Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - August 2008

01/08/08  ||  Global Domination

Krisiun: Southern storm

7/10

Lord K: You think you are dedicated to death metal? You think you live the death metal lifestyle? As long as you are not Alex, Max or Moyses – you are not even close to doing it. Look, listen, learn. These guys got death metal liquid instead of blood running in their veins. 8

Kampfar: “Southern storm” is an excellent name for this piece, for a ferocious blast feast it is, another death metal triumph on the Brazilian’s behalf. I must say, however, that the Sepultura cover wasn’t very much needed. It’s not shit, just unnecessary and mildly sticking out, sort of ruining the flow. Minor issue aside, now let me hail, thank and salute Krisiun for delivering the energy I crave time and time again. Impressive. 9

The Duff: Never bothered with this band before – another album of theirs featured in another AA, and like with this album, I shan’t pursue any earlier works because of it. This stuff is competent death metal, for sure; I guess for the years they’ve been doing it for, I should be more impressed, but there’s certainly better death metal bands doing the rounds. 7

Abyss: When it comes to Krisiun you know what to expect. It’s modern death metal performed with a surgical precision most NASA-computers would envy. As usual it’s so competent that it borders on emotionless (the lack of fingerspitzengefühl and natural groove becomes pretty obvious on the Sepultura-cover), but for the most part the Brazilians manage to stay in check. Beware of double-kick overload though! 6

Seker: Everybody wanks all over these guys’ faces, and I just can’t figure out why for the life of me. It’s generic death metal: sort of brutal, sort of fast, sort of boring. 5

The Rotted: Get dead or die trying

6.6/10

Lord K: Whoa! It’s always nice to get flowers when you expect a huge turd in your speakers. The Rotted’s death/grind is quite fucken ace, to say the least. The crust influences definitely add to the brutality and The Rotted is doing pretty much everything right on this effort. Not many bands can successfully mix crust and brutality and make it work; Vomitory are the masters at it and now The Rotted is a fine addition to this genre. I can’t say that the UK scene was ever impressive or anything (except for Acid Reign… eh… wait…) but The Rotted just raised the bar a huge fucken bit and also took a piss at their UK colleagues (among others) while doing it. 8

Kampfar: Gorerotted was a fine and distinct band, I sort of loved them, and that simply because they were one of the extremely few gore bands actually worth a shit. Infectious rhythms and rhymes, sick at it, roughly sum their music up. The Rotted isn’t gore metal, if so, tech gore metal, layered at it, but it isn’t. I don’t know what to call it, a mixed bag this, sometimes good, a few times very but in the end not an album I’ll play for years to come. 6

The Duff: I never understood Gorerotted, so this “new” incarnation isn’t something I’ve been awaiting eagerly. Not bad music, really – kinda like Gorerotted, I guess, but I figure the band has diversified enough to justify a moniker change. I really dig the drumming, and the riffs suggest veterans of the scene. 7

Abyss: I’ve been vaguely aware of The Rotted under their previous moniker Gorerotted, but I don’t think I’ve actually heard any of their music. Not that I care too much considering that I feel all fine and content with The Rotted as it is. They mix death, grind and hardcore with a small, but important, dose of crust and the end result is an album full of fat ass riffs and unbridled joy in playing. Thumbs up, ya wankers! 7

Seker: I don’t know why these guys changed their name; they still play competent death-grind that pulls ahead of the pack enough to be decent but not enough to be exceptional. 5

Black Flame: Imperivm

5.8/10

Lord K: Italy is hardly a country known for its excellent black metal bands, then again – Italy’s not known for having excellent bands period. Black Flame isn’t the new Dark Funeral or anything, they are dirtier than that and they are not using hardly as much melody in their shit, which is both a good and a bad thing. Good becoz it gives this album a quite dark and raw feeling. Bad becoz I prefer Dark Funeral’s brand of black metal over any other kind of black metal. Black Flame’s definitely a decent band though, no doubt about that. 6

Kampfar: This shit sounds a bit akin to Incantation circa “Diabolic conquest”, the black metal version or something. The aforementioned album is excellent, “Imperivm” isn’t, but compared to the fucking shit this edition is more or less made out of, it rawks pretty damn hard. Think fairly layered black backed by a slight churn. 7

The Duff: Some not so very good black metal. A nice idea here and there, often repeated ad nauseum. I really dig the production, but my attention is for the most part drawn towards the vocals, which aren’t too appealing. 4

Abyss: Black metal from the land of pizzas and high fashion who manages to be more necro then your grandmas underwear and just as dirty. They’ve obviously taken cues from established filthgrinders like Gorgoroth and “Rebel extravaganza”-era Satyricon, meaning that this is both vicious and catchy. The desperate “do or die”-feel is missing though, keeping Black Flame (at least for now) in the shadow of aforementioned influences. 6

Seker: Black metal RARGH! Actually, this wasn’t that bad. The vocals are pretty unique, and I like how they vary up the riffing styles a bit more than is common nowadays. Also, there’s no suicidal crap to be found on here, which bumps this up to a: 6

Nachtmystium: Assassins – Black Meddle Part I

5.6/10

Lord K: With one of the most annoying album titles (not to mention their actual moniker) for quite some time, Nacthxcystiiiivaliuums unleashes something that alot of people seem to appreciate according to reviews around the internet. I don’t know, it’s certainly nothing remotely impressive about this one in my book. Most of it sounds like black metal, some of it sounds like power metal (just listen to the chorus – or whatever it’s supposed to be – of the tune “Assassins”) and in general I am left unimpressed. The slower, instrumental tunes completely stray away from the formula and leaves me a bit confused as for why they are even there in the first place. If I was to review drummer/hero Tony Laureano – this would be a 9, but since I’m not: 4

Kampfar: I love Nachtmystium, really do, and one of our former members, the one pointing them out in the first place, described their music best when coining them black metal gone prog. Forget all about Yes, Saga, bla, bla, all them life affirming idiots, and rather think a black metal orchestra who’s actually using their brains and not just some moth-eaten blueprint when creating tunes. Not that black metal is more severely infected than any other genre. Anyway, I fucking applaud the effort and eagerly await pt. II. 9

The Duff: I’m not the biggest black metal fan, sticking to much less raw bands like Enslaved and Emperor, but this is pretty good. I’m not holding my breath for part II and whatever is to follow, but this comes across as competent, slightly polished Darkthrone/Immortal worship with some ill-chosen sound-effects and guitar leads that would be more at home with Agalloch. 6

Abyss: Either all the vocals here are doubled or tripled, or Blake Judd has the weirdest voice ever, I don’t know – but I do know that it sounds really annoying after a while. The music and the creative ideas on “Assassins” are definitely something else though. I’m still not sure, but I think this will grow a lot on me. 7

Seker: You wanna know what people make fun of black metal from the U.S.? Shit like this. It’s tailor-made for the short-haired thick-glasses-wearing skinny jeans crowd: all of the aesthetics of black metal, but with a shitty experimental “diverse” indie-rock core. I hate stuff like this, but I’ll give it an extra point because I think Tony Laureano is a pretty cool guy. 2

Grand Magus: Iron will

5.4/10

Lord K: Never would I have thought that Grand Magus were this good. Take the heaviness of Candlemass heaviest parts, some 70’s influences, mix it up with some really decent (actually, make that good) vocals, a fitting production and a knack for composing real fine material and you have Grand Magus in a nutshell. “Iron will” is a fucken strong effort that will appeal to anyone into heavy and catchy music. More up-tempo bits like “Fear is the key” works well also, giving the album some diversity in the midst of the concrete shit. I’m surprised. Happily surprised. 8

Kampfar: If you are into heavy metal/hard rock, Grand Magus is supposedly something you ought to hear, if only for their vocalist, they say. I’m not impressed, not that the vocals are pure shit or anything, just fucking typical for this genre. Same goes for the music, which passes by without hooking me once. I’ve tried thrice, enough already. 4

The Duff: Some bands of this ilk grab my attention, others don’t. One thing is for sure, I despise this music overall, and so Grand Magus shouldn’t feel so bad. None of you are Iron Maiden, so… 3

Abyss: Magic, simply magic mix of rock, heavy metal, doom and plain awesomeness. One of the best albums of 2008. 9

Seker: I don’t like Spiritual Beggars, and I don’t like this. Is Candlemass really from the same country as all of these bands that don’t know how to do doom metal at all ? 3

Neuraxis: The thin line between

5.4/10

Lord K: Most technical death metal bands forget that they have to write good songs as well while trying to show off their skills. Necrophagist (who can go fuck themselves by the way becoz bandleader Muhammed/Muhammad/Mahummod/Mulholland/whatever seems like a complete dipshit) is one of those bands who actually manage to write memorable tunes without getting lost in the wankery. Neuraxis is definitely another one. On “The thin line between” they mix up some shit-catchy riffs with enough brutality and technical abilities to make me smile and nod my head in approval. All this without losing the important ingredient that is songwriting. 7

Kampfar: For some reason I was really looking forward to hearing this platter and the reason is because I confused them for Pyrexia, a fine death ensemble there. The Canadians in question are not so fine, rather incredibly boring, the only time they really get my attention being when the sudden explosion of energy named “Dreaming the end” appears. Didn’t see that one coming. Other than that, this album can go suck an A.I.D.S infected Popsicle. 3

The Duff: This is a very important album for the band, as “Trilateral Progression” was the release that put these guys on the map. I figured “” would spark my interest in the band, but overall I’m disappointed. It tries to be too clever, and yet the music isn’t all too striking in places – focus on polyrhythms, but burdened by very mundane writing. Musicianship is all fine, and at times the album gets real interesting; they need a new vocalist though. 7

Abyss: If I was a newbie to all things heavier than Dino Cazares, Neuraxis would impress my pants off and have me clutching my ankles, begging for anal impalement in no time. Luckily I’m a bit more jaded than that, so “The thin line between” merely manages elicits a yawn from me. 4

Seker: I get the feeling that these guys would be a pretty awesome band if they dropped the metalcore-ish trappings. As it stands now, however, Crimson Massacre are still my go-to guys for technical melodic stuff. 6

Blaze Bailey: The man who would not die

5/10

Lord K: Or: “The man whose biggest achievement was to sing on the crappiest Iron Maiden albums”. Maiden sucked with Blaze and Blaze sucks with Blaze. Last off: what’s with that fucken hideous cover? Go away. 3

Kampfar: I think Blaze Flatvoice must have earned a healthy slab while bleating for Iron Maiden. I mean, how else could he afford having an expert group of musicians making decent music for him to pan flat and paint grey? Anyway, the whole shebang is well taken care of and at times I even enjoy the music, mentioned Mr. Flatvoice the main, perhaps even sole offender. Fuck, this album should have been named, “The man who shouldn’t try to sing no more”. 4

The Duff: I went from really disliking this to digging it some – guess it’s just the timing, as I usually can’t stand this stuff. Blaze’s vocals are interesting, to say the least, and I really like the guitarist’s style. I wouldn’t agree on the production being all too awesome, but I’m guessing if I were to play it through a proper sound system, I’d be more impressed – the tone sure is spot on. 6

Abyss: Believe it or not but Mr. “Why are you standing next to Steve Harris instead of Bruce Bruce?” actually sounds good solo. I guess the only thing Blaze needed to show that he is not synonym with “Eternal suckage” was songs written in his own key instead of five steps higher. The mix of Iced Earth and Disturbed fits Blaze well and except for a few fillers this is pretty good. 6

Seker: What the fuck? I don’t hate this either. I must be having a bad day or something. This is some pretty good melodic metal stuff, a bit more melancholic than Maiden which gives it sort of a unique feel. Blaze is a surprisingly good singer when something as turgid as ‘90s Maiden isn’t backing him up. Also, there’s solos. 6

Scar Symmetry: Holographic universe

4.8/10

Lord K: Scar Symmetry’s never been about brutality, but they always had their parts that one could consider “brutal”, if you stretch the term a mile or 5. On this one they have toned that shit down even more and we are granted a fine piece of cheese. Christian’s vocals are among the best in the business (though I think his growl was better on “Pitch black progress”), especially his clean ones. This together with the cheese and metal makes for an easy listening that is very hard to not enjoy. 7

Kampfar: “Holographic universe” is an incredibly well-played and produced piece of sugar coated plastic, one simply too sweat and neat for its own (non-gay) good. Oh wait, there are a couple of growls and heavy riffs scattered around as well, almost forgot to mention. No wonder I almost forgot, all the time “Holographic universe” is every bit as much of a pop pooper as it is a metal release. 4

The Duff: Accessible Soilwork is what this has most commonly been referred to; I would consider this far inferior. The clean vocals range from Vintersorg to Björn Strid, so no complaints there. The guitars are dull as fuck (technique on the solos, but nothing more), the keyboards fail to add flavour but rather null the music moreso with uninspired lead-work. Shitty growling combined makes this a surprising letdown, considering the praise in the site’s review. 2

Abyss: The death metal is toned down a bit on SS’s third album in favour of the progressive elements, which initially irked me, but the more I listen to it – the more I dig it since it enables the skills of the members to shine even brighter without becoming wank. Chrille continues to shine on both growled and clean vocals and some of the solos here are just excellent. 8

Seker: Pretentious melodic “death metal” bullshit. Another band that just plain pisses me off. 3

The Funeral Pyre: Wounds

4.4/10

Lord K: “The Funeral Pyre” is a fucken cool name, so it’s a great shame that this black metal mess is not living up to its moniker. Under-produced garbage with a few neat guitar harmonies here and there is the deal, and to be honest: I’ll pass. The trashcan was invented for a reason. 3

Kampfar: Half-blasted black metal featuring disharmonies and some vocals, little else. 3

The Duff: My Windows Media says black metal, but this sounds a lot more like early At the Gates/Dark Tranquillity. Some black metal resides within “Wounds”, but the elitist BM fans will despise this, and even the casual listener shy away as there isn’t anything original or interesting enough even with both sub-genres merged. They need to sort out that kick sound too. 4

Abyss: Black metal with little to no original ideas but nonetheless competently performed, with some pleasant riffs and melodies here and there. But does the world need another band mixing Dark Funeral with later era-Naglfar? I doubt it. 5

Seker: The drums on this one are pretty terrible, but the melodic style has been honed to near perfection. I miss the piano stuff a bit, but the vocals are a bit more vicious and the more laid-back riffing style lends a pretty interesting atmosphere to this album. The song structures are as complex as ever, unfolding their manifold parts beautifully over the course of the song in a way that would make most modern black metal bands jealous if they were smart enough the figure out what was going on. Still, those drums… man, fire that dude. I could do better blast beats, and I’m a guitarist. Also, the guy from Apiary sings on one track, and he’s a douche. 7

Disturbed: Indestructible

3.4/10

Lord K: You can find my full coverage on this album here, in the meantime I can tell you that I’m not wearing a Disturbed shirt while writing this. It’s time for a new genre: Predictable Cheese Metal. Oh, that one already exists? Fuck it then. 4

Kampfar: Ah, more pop metal bullshit for me, this time played by some Americans who probably got a lot more attention than they deserve already. It’s clean, catchy, neat, well-played, well-produced, well-behaven and fucking boring. And the album takes fucking forever before it ends, too. Then again, all shitty albums do. 3

The Duff: I knew I wasn’t going to like this band, but I was kinda hoping to be surprised, considering these guys take their influences (supposedly) from classic Metallica, Iron Maiden and Slayer. Well, aside from a decent tone, nothing is going on here. Focus on catchy choruses and very few riffs that are worth a dime. They get lower than Priest on principle, but this is probably worth just about as much. 2

Abyss: Intro. Ogh-a-a-a-a-a-ah! Verse. Ogh-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah! Outro. 4

Seker: The singer has a pretty decent voice when he isn’t doing monkey noises; it’s a shame that he’s in a band that is best described as X-Boxcore. Do the Dew! 4

Judas Priest: Nostradamus

3.4/10

Lord K: I wonder if Nostradamus himself “foresaw” (like he could foresee shit) this disaster? 3

Kampfar: Yep, “Nostradamus” was every bit as shitty as I had imagined, and then came 40 more minutes of the same bullcrap music. 2

The Duff: I will never understand this band. Musicians are definitely very talented, and Halford is one of the world’s greatest vocalists, but I am firmly planted in the Maiden camp as far as hating one and loving the other goes. Apparently some old fans are digging this, and a concept album about Nostradamus sure does sound endearing, but fuck, this shit does nothing for me. 3

Abyss: Oh dear lord are you fucking kidding me? “Looooch Neeeeess!” X 100000. There’s some gems under the piles of pretentious poo but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna bother isolating ‘em. That might give you the impression that it’s actually worth the time digging through this. 3

Seker: I came for the speed metal, I stayed for the epic symphonic shit. Oh wait, I left because of that. Needs more “Painkiller” and less Rhapsody, but overall, it’s better than most of the stuff they’ve done since “Painkiller”. 6

Tyr: Land

3.2/10

Lord K: The ones responsible for getting folk influences into metal must be shot. Tyr is so shitty I can’t even find the appropriate insults at the moment. Get on board your fucken boat and go back home, wherever the fuck “home” is for you fucks. Stay away from Sweden. 2

Kampfar: This edition has already propelled and transformed my dislike of power, folk and heavy into full fledged hate. And there is more, for here cometh Tyr, all cheerful and shit, as if they just won a very important battle, the lottery, etc. 3

The Duff: I thought I liked Viking metal, being a fan of Enslaved, Thyrfing and even Amon Amarth if you’re willing to overlook they are probably more melodic death. Tyr was not what I was expecting, and I guess if the vocals weren’t so clean and jolly, I could dig this more; truth is, the music isn’t all too stimulating either. 4

Abyss: An album cover with runescript and longboats, lyrics in Faroese and lots of band pictures with chainmail and swords. How could this not suck??? Maybe because the band managed to not forget their balls on land when they settled out for a voyage on the Great Gay Sea of Pagan Metal? Tyr actually have some redeeming points in that their historical interest and dedication seems genuine and respectfully presented. Granted, the connection to modern metal are mostly based on the fact that there is a distorted electric guitar to be heard and listening to this for a full hour is bordering on overkill, but hey, at least it’s not Korpiklaani! 6

Seker: FUCKING FOLK METAL! 1

Mötley Crüe: Saints of Los Angeles

2.8/10

Lord K: The only one in this travesty of a band who seems to have his feet on the ground still is Mick Mars. He might look like an experiment gone bad between the fucked up girl in “The Ring” and Michael Jackson, but he still seems kinda sane. Nikki Sixx is obviously fucking that Kat Von Pee tattoo-cunt while trying to stay off the smack, Tommy Lee is busy DJ’ing and being a complete idiot while Vince Neil is probably drunk and fat somewhere. How they managed to record this album in between all that bullshit is beyond me, but the result is surprisingly enough not awful. I think it’s all thanx to Mick Mars. 4

Kampfar: “Kickstart my heart” is a fine, fine tune, “Dr. Feelgood” all in all not that bad, but “Saints of Los Angeles”, on the other hand, is pure meh. There is a catchy riff or two, half a song occasionally not being blatantly bland, but out of 13 this is of course not nearly enough to invoke an erection. I think even their most sworn fans will encounter trouble praising this into the high glam heavens. Fuck it all. 3

The Duff: The best thing to come from this band has been its autobiography. The fact that I have always hated its music with a passion yet find possibly about fifty percent of this new disc entertaining bewilders me. I think one of the album’s most appealing aspects is the guitar tone, and Mick Mars himself, who although can come across as a cheap Slash, still packs quite a vibrato and classic bluesy feel. The lyrics are ridiculous, and most annoyingly the choruses real catchy – it’s no fun trying to enjoy “Butchered at Birth” when you have “Down at the Whisky” incessantly spinning in your head long after you’ve had to endure it that one time. 5

Abyss: I wish Nikki Sixx had taken more heroin so he could never have recorded this dross. His girlfriend should tattoo “Oh no you don’t!” on his hands in case he get’s the urge to pick up the bass and write another Mötley Crüe album. 1

Seker: Fuck Los Angeles and fuck Mötley Crüe. These guys were never cool, even in an ironic way, no matter what VH-1 or that fat dude down the street tells you. 1

Venom: Hell

2.6/10

Lord K: I got real sick many years ago thanx to food poisoning. I shat and puked all over the place. I’ll re-live those days again with joy if I never have to listen to Venom again. 1

Kampfar: If hell is anything like this disc, tediousness awaits us. Man, what the fuck is this music supposed to be anyway, sounds as half-assed sludge to me, not black metal. Oh well, one more song and I’m free to delete this fucker. Life is awesome. 3

The Duff: Inspiration for a hundred percent of black metal bands and some of Death’s earliest outputs, and yet I still can’t stand them. 3

Abyss: A clear (although horribly balanced) production does a band like Venom pretty much zero service since it displays all that’s missing in their performances, singing and well – songwriting. Opener “Straight to hell” manages to sound bad on pretty much all levels mentioned, and then some! I like bands where I can hear the bass, but only when the bassplayer actually knows what the fuck to do with it! I love Cronos forehead, that’s good for one bonus point, ending up with a crumbling: 3

Seker: Come on guys, do we really need a new Venom album? At least it will give them an excuse to tour again… 3

Michael Kiske: Past in different ways

1.6/10

Lord K: The only reason this idiot is featured in this AA is becoz he once sung on a couple of good albums with some German band who turned to shit after his departure. Can’t really say that this crap, filled with acoustic guitars and whatnot, is any better. Or even metal. Then again, we all know Michael Kiske is obviously against everything “metal” these days. The re-recordings of some of the classic tunes he originally sang on are nothing but utter feces. What a fucken disgrace, this one. Punch this idiot in the mouth if you run into him. Feel free to use a shovel of yer choice. 1

Kampfar: This is beyond awful, way beyond. Imagine Helloween unplugged, playing power metal country, Mr. Kiske whining his way through the whole ordeal. Utterly pro, utterly turgid. Talking about professional, I’m not going to listen through this crapper, 7 songs is fucking enough already. 2

The Duff: I’m not getting the joke. 3

Abyss: Color me unimpressed. I’ve never been one to swing from Kiske’s nutsack; he was good in Helloween but he certainly wasn’t the sole reason “Keeper of the seven keys 1 & 2” are masterpieces. And I’ll be damned if it excuses this sort of acoustic pop-wannabe hippie bullshit. 1

Seker: Kai Hansen was 80’s Helloween. Kiske was just a good vocalist without any interesting songwriting ideas, and this sack of shit proves it. My heart was not filled with joy after I listened to this. 1